Discovering HIM!

I don't know why but I somehow feel that, there's something I couldn't get over. I'm not as happy or cheerful as how I was previously. Each time I smile, is that a fake one on my face? Each time when I laugh like crazy, am I really happy with am laughing over?

I'm given alot of chances, I'm just given alot. But why is it deep in me still hurt?

On Wednesday, I cried alone in the room. Its some sort of depression scene where lights were off, I could not see myself but I cried like a baby once more. I was feeling bad, truly bad. But, what was I feeling bad at? Of a sudden, I felt so alone. I smsed many but none replied. Not to blame but everyone have their own things to accomplish and do.

I msged Sophia, she is the one that I wanna meet. I walked to meet her. I cried, I laughed. We find that God do have the sense of humour too. We spoke alot about Jesus, about God, about faith, about CSS. And, I find this is the 1st time am talking so much about God!

Know what? At this point of the time, I could really feel his presence. But, the road that HE provided, is just too narrow to get thru. I have been crying out alot unto Him! I guess, he would also wanna say am a super cry baby!

Kathleen called, asked me how was I? Opps. But she heard me cry over the phone again. Got to know on my performance at work. Its dropping much. Its a good thing that she told me that day, or probably it wouldn't be a time to find out my mistakes.

Kath then sms me telling things that touched me much. Its really a blessing to have her and Rachel as my friend. These days, we did not converse much. I supposed its due to the busy-ness, stress, tension. Hopefully, things will be better off as time goes. Everyone in the office seemed to be all tensed. :)
I will be going for mass later with Sophia. Will be meeting Father Michael. There's some questions that I want to ask him. Is this a calling from God? Cox, at this moment I feel that he is holding me so close to Him.

Another thing, there's a friend. A friend that used to find me often the past days. But now, we are just cold to each other. What happened? No more finding for dinner. No more finding each other to talk. Hopefully, its another God's plan. And, if it is. I believe, He will patch things up again into a beautiful picture! :)

Till then. God Bless You, Me and Everybody! ^^

One after Another?

You know the saying, when bad stuff happens, somehow, it all happens one after another.

And all these incurs money! Hurmp. I've gotta fix my pressure cooker as it had fallen down to the ground due to 'gan cheong-ness'. I needa fix my phone. Oh no.

How could all these be handled?

Jonah~

You may wanna ask me, how have life been lately? You may not wanna beleive me if I say its awesome! Right?

I went back last Saturday, my colleague (Rachel) send me back to Seremban. Dad wanted to meet us all. But, I just do not know how to react when he said, he wanna see us.

Met him on Saturday, it was just not too cool controlling my tears. I did not want him to see me worry. He kept telling me that he will be fine staying outside. He will be able to take care of himself. Till then, I really feel, its really a good time for both to be separated for a moment. :)

No point forcing them to stay together when they have so much anger towards each other. Right? I was sad, I was angry with everyone including myself and God for all that happened. But now, I came to realised that all this happens for good. God is the creator and maker of heaven and earth. I have no surprise if HE is the one that created all this, even problems for me and my family. :)

We have completed the Old Testament last week's Discipleship Class. Although I did not complete my homework but, Jonah's story gave me a huge impact. I was so much like Jonah (besides, getting swallow by the Monster Fish lar~LOL!) In fact, Sophia and I have the same feelings and thoughts towards things that happened unto us.

Yesday, Sophia emailed me the Gospel of the day. And know what? God is just awesome! The Gospel is about Jonah again! Cool right? By all means, this cannot be a co-incident! LOL! She even sent me the reflection for the reading as well! The reflection is seriously good! ^^

This phrase caught my attention much "If God gave us everything we asked for at the same moment we ask for it, how would we become more mature in our faith?"

Many things happened lately, it was like a drama. I'm awaiting for the next episode. I have faith that its gonna be a happy ending!


*And, I wanna say. I appreciate those who lend me their shoulders to cry on, those who with me when I was so super down, thanks for all advises and opinions!*

Hi World!

Hi World!

Life have not gone any better until last night. A big huge cry! And, today is just another to live. :)

I have so much negative thoughts again when I see my brother crying on the phone. And, Mum cried due to this matter. And everyone at home are just so disturbed. Lawrence went to meet Dad. Dad has gone thinner. Well, maybe everyone at home are just losing weight. :) Free Diet! :p

I just really hope things will be better off when time goes. I kept asking GOD, "Why again? I'm tired!". I didn't managed to share on the meditation during Disciple Class last night. It was just painful! I did not want to cry in front of them anymore.

I went back home! Cried like I never cried before. Listening to "We were the reason". The more I cried! Till, Big Papa(Julius) called. He knew I was in pain. Reached after15mins. Cried lagi~

Threw out all my sadness, my pain. All was fine after that. He started telling me his problems at home, CSS, and life. Eventually, I felt much better off. Chatted for more than 3 hours.

I prayed to Jesus at night. I asked him again "Why?" But he did not answer me tho. Maybe time will tell.

My life still goes on! No more pondering back at the past. Yes, I might cry! But, I told myself, "GO ON AFTER THE CRY! KICK SOME ASS!" . I've got more to accomplish! Cheers!

Its The Climb.

Considered to have a good weekend. The seminar was awesome! Many spoken were on family. Being around with my coach and leader is just great! April and Wee Chien were helping me out with my financial planning. And, answer is, there will be no savings. In fact, my account will be a negative every month.

I finally cut my hair yesterday. Patrick didn't want to cut it becos he said "I thought you want to let it grow and do rebonding?". Yes, that is what I really wanted but. I cannot use that money to do rebonding because I need the money for other things. Better of to just cut it first then let it grow when I have the ability to take care of it. Right? I do not know if this is a sacrifice. But, I know I'm learning to prioritize.

I could feel that Mom is not like how is used to be anymore. She don't sound happy when I call. Her reaction is not the same anymore. But anyhow, I know I need to stand up again after the Fall!

Life.

Its been almost a month that I'm away from blogging. Curious of how my life was these days? I didn't even blogged bout my birthday. Lol!

Days have not been very pleasant. Many things happened. Birthday was celebrated. Kathleen celebrated my birthday for me. Jeremiah they all celebrated my birthday. Which is something I never thought of. On my birthday, I burst out in tears because of the problems faced and encountered. Then, I tend to think. Birthday is just another day of life. No big deal on that tho.

The next day, 22nd June 2011, Mr Amir came to tell me that am gonna continue working at ACE! Well, after all worries of job and unhappiness. Finally, there's a good news for me!

Till then, Mum told me that Dad is shifting all his things out. And he is really moving out from home. I kept thinking if it was because of me that he leaves home. While walking to KLCC, I kept thinking if I could sacrifice anything to bring my family back, I will! Even my life!

Till one wake up call from April, saying "Why so quiet these days?" I told her my problem. She said "Don't keep guessing! Call your brother and ask what happened!" Till then, I called. I found out the reason why is he leaving. Seriously, no one is right or wrong in the family. If to be judged, everyone is not right at their role. Everyone is right too. So how is it to be judged? Conclusion, nothing to be judged. :)

I've got many many advises from many many people. I ever tot of giving up on my life. Wei Quan said "If you ever give up in life, You will lose more than you lose now!" This is something, I did not thought of!

No matter what, I still need to carry on in life! Simply because, I have a big goal to accomplish is to bring my dad back home!

I have spoken to dad this noon. All that he said in phone is something I never heard of when he is in front of us. There are alot of things that he knows but all these while, I thought he will not know.

Again, I questioned GOD the past days, why are all these happening to me? One after another? I'm just human being which I can break down easily!

All these happens for a reason! Things that does not kill me makes me stronger! I need to go thru all these hardship to get to where I want to go! I cannot waste anymore time because, I want my Dad to be back to the Family!