It is today that I posted here again. I find life kinda unhappy these days. Now, ask me why? I do not know the answer either. Having him in my life somehow made me loved, cared and touched. The morning calls that he gave, makes my day. He encourages me early in the morning for a great day. Although, most of the time on phone calls, for the time being I could still bear with it.
I don't know if things happened too fast but that was what Julius told me yesterday.
Times that I tend to be unhappy at would be in the early noon. When am stuck at doing now or doing something but nothing. Wow! Contradicting right? I felt so. I found a web that could actually let me share my experiences. Which is the experienceproject.com .
I found this page quite interesting where, I may probably find people who have the same thinking with talking on their stuff. People can comment there. Its some sort like a blog page and people have the same topic to speak at.
For now, I'm feeling kinda uneasy. Not sure with what but, I'm still awaiting for.....
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
Awaiting.
Its been a week again that am away from my blog. I do not know how to start bout writing. I have a lot of thinkings these days. Are these thinkings even necessary? I somehow felt Life is not an easy word anymore. There is so much, so much to bear with. I wonder if others have the same thoughts as me or is it just me thinking too much?
Tummy have not been too well these days. Slight diarrhea here and there. I feel weak of a sudden. I feel like vomiting. Is it due to the food consumed? Is it due to the emotions that I have now? Its got nothing to do with the relationship that am in. Things seemed to be fine with the relationship. :) Thank God!
I have been questioning myself, do I deserve to be happy? What's with chasing after something but we all know all are not permanent? What do I have such thoughts? I sounded so unhappy here in this post right? Which I do feel the unhappiness now. And, I do not know why I felt so. Contradicting right?
I'm waiting for the 4 months to pass, its gonna be the end of my contract after 4 months, we'll be meeting up again after 4 months. I'm waiting for the 4th of November to come. Cox I'll be going to the Salvatorian Home. I'm looking for ways to make myself happy with Life.
I hate it when this happens, I do things without a reason. I do not like to do things blindly. When I do things blindly, I do things heartlessly.
Till then, please pray for me. Amen!
Tummy have not been too well these days. Slight diarrhea here and there. I feel weak of a sudden. I feel like vomiting. Is it due to the food consumed? Is it due to the emotions that I have now? Its got nothing to do with the relationship that am in. Things seemed to be fine with the relationship. :) Thank God!
I have been questioning myself, do I deserve to be happy? What's with chasing after something but we all know all are not permanent? What do I have such thoughts? I sounded so unhappy here in this post right? Which I do feel the unhappiness now. And, I do not know why I felt so. Contradicting right?
I'm waiting for the 4 months to pass, its gonna be the end of my contract after 4 months, we'll be meeting up again after 4 months. I'm waiting for the 4th of November to come. Cox I'll be going to the Salvatorian Home. I'm looking for ways to make myself happy with Life.
I hate it when this happens, I do things without a reason. I do not like to do things blindly. When I do things blindly, I do things heartlessly.
Till then, please pray for me. Amen!
Thursday, October 13, 2011
BreakAway~
It was another break away.
Life have been hectic. And, the meet up with Pipi was a good one. :) Got to know him a little bit more. Got to understand him a little bit more.
During the days, Kath and I didn't really chatted much but somehow. She enligthened me with some thoughts. At my age, I should dare to try out things. As in, work larrr~ LOL! Don't think wrongly k? :D Looking back at what am doing daily. Looking forward in the future. How is my future gonna be like? I wonder. We need to be happy in life right? :) How to be happy?
What I have in mind to be happy is to spread more love to others. I will be going to Malacca in November to meet the kid. :) Plan to spend some time off there with the kids. Till then.
Life have been hectic. And, the meet up with Pipi was a good one. :) Got to know him a little bit more. Got to understand him a little bit more.
During the days, Kath and I didn't really chatted much but somehow. She enligthened me with some thoughts. At my age, I should dare to try out things. As in, work larrr~ LOL! Don't think wrongly k? :D Looking back at what am doing daily. Looking forward in the future. How is my future gonna be like? I wonder. We need to be happy in life right? :) How to be happy?
What I have in mind to be happy is to spread more love to others. I will be going to Malacca in November to meet the kid. :) Plan to spend some time off there with the kids. Till then.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Thoughts These Days...
Its been awhile again where I blogged here. I have been busy with work most of the time. Work load have added. Working overtime the past days. Have been tired.
But, somehow again, there so much things to ponder on life again. I've working hard. I've been getting scolding here and there. For not remembering what I have done. Yes, I cried in the office again. But all these are just the process of growing. I'm trying to be as positive as I could to get thru all that am struggling with.
But the soulmate of mine. I do not know what perception others will have unto him. But, for the time being, I'm just knowing where my limits are. Maybe to many this really do not make sense. Such a short period of time knowing each other. And, we're together. Looking back at the past. Many were in love, many were out of love. What is the definition of love actually? I really do not know. He even asked me that question "Apa itu Cinta?"
I din know how to answer. Maybe it was me that needed extra cares? Its a selfish way to think that way. Right? I do not know. But somehow, he is a caring person. He remembers every single thing that were said. I could still remember how he spoke to me on the phone when I told him I had gastric that time. I do not know if these could be used to evaluate but, am praying to GOD everything falls into place.
Last week, I attended the CSS Annual Camp for the 4th time. Was my second time as a participant. I was so touched, so glad to see the results! I am so proud of my juniors, the Excos that made the CSS dream came true! Praise the LORD! Its been 4 years, wanting to make things happen. Thanks to all seniors also that was hard to us in building the foundation of CSS! CSS is how it is today, not because of me, but ALL!
I seriously love this camp because it was a whole different experience from the past. We were brought to the beach to play with the kids. They are not really orphans but they were kids that were lacking much on love. I was waiting so excitedly to know who will be the kid that am gonna be taking care of. I was hoping that the kid will be at younger aged. You know smaller kids are more fun to play with. But, I was assigned to a kid named Han Ping.
He is a kid with only one eye sight, he do not have 100% vision on the other eye. He ran out from home at the age of 10 because he was tortured so badly by his parents. I was worried while walking to the beach. Who will this kid turn out to be? How will he look like? Is he a rebellious kid? Many were in my thoughts but, somehow was a bit relaxed when Andrew and I started singing along the way. :)
At first, he stick to Mervin very much. He din wanna talk to me much. I assume he was shy that time. I kept disturbing him in the water. Kept tickling him. He ended up calling me "Sha Yu", that meant, Shark! LOL! I didn't know that was love towards the kid until during reflection that I cried. The image of him smilling kept appearing in my mind. He is a role model to me as, he is strong, he is courages, he is optimistic. Although, his parents never came to see him eversince he ran out from home. But he never blames.
I called him just now at the home, Sister Jane told him that I called, when he answered the call. He called me Sha Yu, Emily Jie Jie. That was the so so touching moment that I felt. I eventually cried. Then made Sister Jane and Han Ping cried too. I will go there again to meet him. Cox I really hope that I can give him love. Amen!
But, somehow again, there so much things to ponder on life again. I've working hard. I've been getting scolding here and there. For not remembering what I have done. Yes, I cried in the office again. But all these are just the process of growing. I'm trying to be as positive as I could to get thru all that am struggling with.
But the soulmate of mine. I do not know what perception others will have unto him. But, for the time being, I'm just knowing where my limits are. Maybe to many this really do not make sense. Such a short period of time knowing each other. And, we're together. Looking back at the past. Many were in love, many were out of love. What is the definition of love actually? I really do not know. He even asked me that question "Apa itu Cinta?"
I din know how to answer. Maybe it was me that needed extra cares? Its a selfish way to think that way. Right? I do not know. But somehow, he is a caring person. He remembers every single thing that were said. I could still remember how he spoke to me on the phone when I told him I had gastric that time. I do not know if these could be used to evaluate but, am praying to GOD everything falls into place.
Last week, I attended the CSS Annual Camp for the 4th time. Was my second time as a participant. I was so touched, so glad to see the results! I am so proud of my juniors, the Excos that made the CSS dream came true! Praise the LORD! Its been 4 years, wanting to make things happen. Thanks to all seniors also that was hard to us in building the foundation of CSS! CSS is how it is today, not because of me, but ALL!
I seriously love this camp because it was a whole different experience from the past. We were brought to the beach to play with the kids. They are not really orphans but they were kids that were lacking much on love. I was waiting so excitedly to know who will be the kid that am gonna be taking care of. I was hoping that the kid will be at younger aged. You know smaller kids are more fun to play with. But, I was assigned to a kid named Han Ping.
He is a kid with only one eye sight, he do not have 100% vision on the other eye. He ran out from home at the age of 10 because he was tortured so badly by his parents. I was worried while walking to the beach. Who will this kid turn out to be? How will he look like? Is he a rebellious kid? Many were in my thoughts but, somehow was a bit relaxed when Andrew and I started singing along the way. :)
At first, he stick to Mervin very much. He din wanna talk to me much. I assume he was shy that time. I kept disturbing him in the water. Kept tickling him. He ended up calling me "Sha Yu", that meant, Shark! LOL! I didn't know that was love towards the kid until during reflection that I cried. The image of him smilling kept appearing in my mind. He is a role model to me as, he is strong, he is courages, he is optimistic. Although, his parents never came to see him eversince he ran out from home. But he never blames.
I called him just now at the home, Sister Jane told him that I called, when he answered the call. He called me Sha Yu, Emily Jie Jie. That was the so so touching moment that I felt. I eventually cried. Then made Sister Jane and Han Ping cried too. I will go there again to meet him. Cox I really hope that I can give him love. Amen!
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