I don't know why but I somehow feel that, there's something I couldn't get over. I'm not as happy or cheerful as how I was previously. Each time I smile, is that a fake one on my face? Each time when I laugh like crazy, am I really happy with am laughing over?
I'm given alot of chances, I'm just given alot. But why is it deep in me still hurt?
On Wednesday, I cried alone in the room. Its some sort of depression scene where lights were off, I could not see myself but I cried like a baby once more. I was feeling bad, truly bad. But, what was I feeling bad at? Of a sudden, I felt so alone. I smsed many but none replied. Not to blame but everyone have their own things to accomplish and do.
I msged Sophia, she is the one that I wanna meet. I walked to meet her. I cried, I laughed. We find that God do have the sense of humour too. We spoke alot about Jesus, about God, about faith, about CSS. And, I find this is the 1st time am talking so much about God!
Know what? At this point of the time, I could really feel his presence. But, the road that HE provided, is just too narrow to get thru. I have been crying out alot unto Him! I guess, he would also wanna say am a super cry baby!
Kathleen called, asked me how was I? Opps. But she heard me cry over the phone again. Got to know on my performance at work. Its dropping much. Its a good thing that she told me that day, or probably it wouldn't be a time to find out my mistakes.
Kath then sms me telling things that touched me much. Its really a blessing to have her and Rachel as my friend. These days, we did not converse much. I supposed its due to the busy-ness, stress, tension. Hopefully, things will be better off as time goes. Everyone in the office seemed to be all tensed. :)
I will be going for mass later with Sophia. Will be meeting Father Michael. There's some questions that I want to ask him. Is this a calling from God? Cox, at this moment I feel that he is holding me so close to Him.
Another thing, there's a friend. A friend that used to find me often the past days. But now, we are just cold to each other. What happened? No more finding for dinner. No more finding each other to talk. Hopefully, its another God's plan. And, if it is. I believe, He will patch things up again into a beautiful picture! :)
Till then. God Bless You, Me and Everybody! ^^
